


Burnout

by ChexNix



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Autistic Burnout, Autistic Mao Mao, Gen, autistic headcanon, doesnt revolve around the ship n can be seen as friends too, internalized abelism, oh boy, trigger warning tho for a bunch of internalized ableism n a meltdown, whatever works for yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChexNix/pseuds/ChexNix
Summary: Mao Mao's been ignoring the signs his brain's been giving him and has to realize he can't mask anymore.
Relationships: Badgerclops/Mao Mao Mao
Comments: 2
Kudos: 91





	Burnout

**Author's Note:**

> This is suuuper short but I couldn't help but write it anyway, it's educational for both autistic folks and allistics (non autistics) If ur autistic and have been experiencing worse symptoms please take care of urself, if someone u kno is struggling please give them space but ask them if there's anything u can do. 
> 
> I'll leave comment moderation unabled but if there are any nasty comments they'll be removed and u'll be blocked :)!

Here come the waterworks, Mao Mao let his tears flow out of him as he slumped against the bathroom wall. He wasn't one to cry, much, over small things but it's been different these past few days. Everything's been a lot harder than usual and he can't put his finger on why exactly. Lights seem brighter and sounds seem louder, the simple presence of a crowd sent him downhill. He can usually handle a little more than that but something's off, super off. 

The black cat flapped his hands side to side to let out the building emotion inside, it made it more bearable as he sat and cried. He can't get any heroic duties done like this. He'll let himself stim while no ones looking so he can get back to his job. Finally the tears stopped and he didn't need to stim as hard, he's been doing it for 20 minutes straight. Arms sore and eyes dry he stood and went to the sink to look at himself in the mirror.

_**Pull it together, Mao Mao. You have a job to do. No one wants to see their hero crying on the floor over, what? A few loud noises? Pull it TOGETHER!** _

Mao Mao gripped the corner of the sink, pointing at himself in a threatening way.

_**Don't pull this again. You can handle this. It's easy. How many years has it been? SO many. If you could do it then you can do it now.** _

"Uh, hey Mao?" Badgerclops called from outside the bathroom.

Mao Mao jumped, settling himself with a few deep breaths, "Yeah?"

"You okay? You've been in there a while, dude."

"Okay? HAH! I'm PERFECT. What makes you think I'm not okay?" The cat ended nervously.

"I dunno, thought you had stomach problems or something." Badgerclops said simply.

Mao Mao sighed with relief, he thought Badgerclops heard him crying. He was quieter than he thought.

"Nope, no issues!" Mao Mao exited the bathroom, "See? I'm fine."

Badgerclops squinted at his friend, "Okay."

Mao Mao quickly walked away after an awkward smile to his co-hero. He didn't mean to say that last part, he knows it's more suspicious than saying nothing. It's fine, it's fine! Badgerclops knows he has some problem with stuff sometimes but he can't let him know about what's been happening recently. Too embarrassing. Crying in bathrooms and closets and moving his body more violently than he did in battle wasn't that impressive.

Mao Mao tugged his cape, he's feeling tired but they haven't even patrolled yet. Today was going to be a long day. He sat on the couch next to their littlest deputy who was watching her favorite show. The blue bat was swaying side to side happily. Mao Mao couldn't help but feel happy watching the kid feel so freely. He hadn't realized it but he was rubbing the fabric of his cape, he couldn't feel it through the gloves so it boggled his mind as to why he was doing it. He stopped himself but immediately felt wrong. He didn't know what felt wrong but it was just wrong so he let himself continue rubbing the cape.

The sheriff growled to himself, things better change before they go on patrol.

"Mao Mao, dude you were supposed to get stuff ready for us to make breakfast." Badgerclops stated, a bit irritated.

Mao Mao jumped, "OH right, haha, got a little… distracted."

Never would he admit it but he forgot completely about that. Remembering now, he was asked to get out ingredients before everything got too much for him to handle. The black cat sighed and rubbed his temples, he's got a horrible headache. Now in the kitchen the cat put on his apron, trying to think of what he should get out. His mind froze, halfway through tying the apron on. He can't remember how to make why they're going to make, let alone what's supposed to go into it. Mao Mao blinked a few times and shook his head.

_**Come on COME ON. You've made this so many times before! What was it…** _

"Mao?"

Mao Mao looked at his friend, who was clearly worried, furrowed brow and all.

"Everything okay over there?" Badgerclops began getting bowls and measuring cups out.

"Fine! Just having a little trouble remembering…" Mao Mao trailed off hoping the badger didn't hear anything else.

"Dude, are you okay? Like. You say you are but you lie all the time, so." Badgerclops shrugged, "Is it one of the super bad days?"

The black cat finished tying the apron and coughed awkwardly into his fist, "It, uh, seems so. Maybe worse than that BUT it's not anything I can't handle."

Trying to confidently laugh it off didn't work, Badgerclops still looked worried.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, like I said, it's not anything I can't handle." Mao Mao chuckled at the badger for assuming he can't deal with this.

He's been handling it his whole life! What's going to stop him now? The image of eggs appeared in Mao Mao's mind, right he needed those. Going to the fridge Mao Mao ignored the concerned tone in Badgerclops' voice, asking if he needs a day off or to just rest for a little while. Grabbing the egg carton Mao Mao simply shook his head no, how many times does he have to say 'I can handle it' before the badger gets it.

"Okay. But when you shut down or something don't blame me." Badgerclops swished his hand, finding it irritating Mao wouldn't just accept he needs some rest.

"That won't happen because, again, I can handle this."

Breakfast was finally made, a bit later than usual but it's not the end of the world. Once the team was fed they headed down to the village of Pure Heart Valley to patrol and do other duties. The whole time Badgerclops noticed how much trouble his co-hero was having. How he would squint and blink after a few minutes and would avoid main roads. When they did take a main road Mao Mao always ended up running saying 'better hurry to the next person who needs us haha!'. He's even covered his ears a few times when a car goes by. 

"You're on strike two, Pinky. Next time we catch you stealing… what was it again?"

"Dirty, wet, lint from people's sinks." Pinky sounded proud of himself.

Mao Mao wrote it down, "Next time is jail. Now go and TRY to be a part of society and not the part that steals things, okay?"

Pinky 'psh'd the sheriff and walked off with his ticket. Mao Mao sighed heavily, he felt so drained after today. Only now is he realizing just how painful the surrounding sounds have been. Someone won't stop yelling about items they're selling, Slim's car is way too loud, the sun is bouncing off the Ruby Pure Heart just right to make Mao Mao's head spin. Everything is way too much. The crowds, the activity. Suddenly Mao Mao felt like he was going to pass out or… something. It feels **bad** and that's all he can tell.

"Mao, dude?" Badgerclops put a worried hand on the sheriff's shoulder.

The black cat jumped at the touch at first but relaxed realizing who it was. "Huh?"

The next thing Badgerclops said slipped right through Mao Mao's head. In one ear and out the other without any processing in between. "What?"

"I asked if you're okay."

"I'm fine. I just…" Mao Mao really couldn't hold it any longer. He tried speaking 'need a second' but it didn't really come out right.

The sheriff ran to the nearest restaurant and into its bathroom, locking the door after making sure no one was in the stalls. He broke down again, tears falling as he tried holding back sobs. The feeling was SO bad but he couldn't describe it if he tried.

_**What's wrong with me? It's been two hours of community service and I'm in the bathroom again, CRYING. This isn't right, maybe I'm sick? No. That's not it.** _

Mao Mao sat and clinged his legs to his chest, rocking back and forth. So much emotion in his body, he wanted to scream but doing that here wouldn't be the best idea so he whimpered and growled. Gripping his legs tighter he clenched his teeth to keep back loud noises.

_**Stop it! Pull it together. You're a hero, heroes don't act like this! Come on come on COME O-** _

**KNOCK KNOCK**

"Mao Mao?"

He couldn't respond.

"Can I come in?" Badgerclops' voice was loud enough to hear beyond the door but sounded soft and comforting.

Mao Mao wiped his eyes and managed to crawl to the door, unlocking it and letting Badgerclops in. After, he backed into the corner next to the door, hugging his knees again. The badger sat close, not too close, to his friend and spoke silently.

"You really should've told me it was this bad."

Mao Mao hummed as a response. He agreed, maybe he could've helped.

"Is there anything I can do?"

The cat crawled to his friend, opening his arms, he just needed some kind of pressure. The badger wrapped his arms around Mao Mao, squeezing him tight.

"We should go home, dude, when you're able to leave the bathroom I mean. You gotta stop pushing yourself like this."

* * *

Back at H.Q. Mao Mao was in bed, wrapped up in his cape and relaxing in the dim room. He'd had a few hours to himself, his deputies made sure to stay quiet while still going about their day. It seemed a good six hours had passed since his meltdown, his headache remained but it wasn't as bad as before. Opening his eyes wasn't complete torture either but he still wasn't fit to leave. He needed time to regulate properly and heal. Having his gloves off he'd been feeling the fabric of his cape, the softest thing he wears. It was one of his favorite comfort stims, even better that he could take it with him wherever he goes. 

The door silently opened, Badgerclops peeked in and whispered, "Hey, you doing okay?"

Mao Mao gave a thumbs up, he'd gone non verbal in the bathroom earlier. 

Continuing to be silent and careful the badger entered the room, slowly closing the door behind him and stepping as gently as he could towards the feline. Mao Mao sat up a bit but kept rubbing his cape.

"I did some research," Badgerclops whispered, "It's not just a bad day, dude. You're literally not okay. You're experiencing 'autistic burnout', you can't keep acting like you're okay."

Mao Mao furrows his brow, he needs some more information.

"So like, it's when you've been hiding your autistic traits for way too long and your brain literally can't handle it so you're much more sensitive and stuff than before. You gotta take care of yourself and stim a lot more, dude. If you don't it could last a really long time, literally for the rest of your life." Badgerclops revealed a paper he had printed with all the information he found and compiled into an easy to read front and back presentation. 

Mao Mao took it, kind of sceptical, but after reading everything it matched up exactly to how he was feeling. Everything had just felt worse and that's how it's being described. He sighed and just accepted it. If he's going to be a hero he needs to take care of himself. He can't pretend to be what he isn't anymore, instead he needs to embrace who he is and learn to live as himself. The sheriff stimmed, flicking his fingers as he thought. He'll do everything he needs to more often. He'll accommodate himself and talk to the king about other accommodations that could be made to the town. Not only was this for him but also his little deputy, Adorabat. He doesn't want her to end up like him. What he was experiencing was literally the worst thing he's felt and he's been through a lot. 

* * *

It's been years since Mao Mao has felt this good. His emotions are much more in control and he's been able to handle more than he could a month ago. The last time he felt so fresh was as a teen, he used to let himself stim freely and act like himself then. Somewhere between Bao Bao leaving and meeting Badgerclops Mao Mao had stopped letting himself feel okay, not very heroic of him. The sheriff was lounging at his desk, he'd filled out paperwork and was taking a bit of a break and letting himself stim as he needed to.

"Mao Mao!" Adorabat flew in from the front door.

The little deputy was followed by Badgerclops who had his hands not so sneakily hidden behind his back. Even with the arrival of his companions he didn't stop stimming, it'd taken him the full month to relearn that habit. Adorabat landed on his shoulder, smiling as big as she could.

"Guess what WE got?"

"Did y'all sneak out and get lunch." Mao Mao smiled. 

"Nah, we can do that after this though. Look what we brought you!" Badgerclops held out a present. Cyan and yellow wrapping.

Mao Mao's ears perked up a bit, those colors reminded him of… Taking the present and unwrapping it he found a box full of what looked like items to help stim. So many different toys and things but what made it even better was...

"Lucky Ducky!" Mao Maos eyes dilated instantly.

Not only was there a top layer of stim toys, a few even Lucky Ducky themed themselves, but there were a few items of merch at the bottom. Mao Mao didn't hold back and flapped his hands to his heart's content, stopping only to hug his deputies.

"Y'all… thank you."

"We know how much you love Lucky Ducky and Badgerclops found all this cool stuff online!" Adorabat, once free, flapped her wings.

"Some of it isn't Lucky Ducky but I figured you'd like it anyway." Badgerclops thumbed towards the box.

"I appreciate it. Y'all are the best friends anyone could ask for." Mao Mao smiled, feeling himself tear up.


End file.
